For those of you wondering when I’m going to get my mind out of the gutter, I regret that it won’t be today. You see, after last week’s posting in which I discuss an encounter with a bikini waxer, one reader informed me that I am far behind the puddendal grooming curve. You see, a related practice, Vajazzling, is gaining friends fast.
Look, I was already horrified to hear that, a few years ago, men and women adopted the string trimmer as a beauty aid for the crotch.
But about this Vajazzling trend. People in the know tell me it’s a form of bodily decoration that includes adorning your groin with shiny things. The phenomenon has some well-known practitioners. The once great wide receiver, Terrell Owens, tells us he began decorating his nut-sack in 2009. Few things will make a difference in your pass catching stats like running pass patterns with a cubic zirconia slapping against your inner thigh.
But it wasn’t until Jennifer Love Hewitt added Vajazzling to her distinguished body of work that the phenomenon attracted widespread attention. Her autobiography, “The Day I Shot Cupid..” goes into the practice in detail. Following a romantic disappointment, she decided to pay more attention to her…self. So, she freely discusses how her vagina has come to be home for jewels, moist life savers, found objects, toothpicks, and cereal box prizes.
Her book also covers Jennifer’s career disappointments, particularly why director’s haven’t taken her seriously enough to cast her in prestige movie roles. The answer lies somewhere between horrible luck and a willingness to publicize her vaginal pinata.
Sex with Ms Love-Hewitt, her lovers report, offers a longer than usual gratification delay as her foreplay ritual now adds scouring away the cracker jack bits with super-glue remover.
So why would I, of all people, be bothered that people are paying yet more attention to the world below the waist? As with all things, it’s the way you do it.
Am I being a prude? Should I have posted a photo of a vajazzled vagina? Are we approaching the day when vajazzle salons open in Beverly Hills? Are folks like these too damned self-absorbed? Will the Vajazzler be Batman’s new nemesis?
Feel free to comment.